Stop “Waiting” for Your Boaz

I’ve taken some time off due to school and life, but I’m happy to start writing again! My goal with this blog is to really tackle contemporary issues from my perspective as a Millennial and to also touch on biblical truths in regards to those issues.

There seems to be a battle between what a lot of churches teach their young youth group girls, and what the girls actually experience. I know that has been definitely true with my own experiences.

It’s very easy to get swept up in the “wait for a man to pursue you” and “the treasure doesn’t do the chasing” type of principles. We need to be careful what we are telling these young girls and women, simply because (in my opinion) it’s not fair to put all the pressure on our young men so as to say they aren’t a treasure as well or aren’t fit to be pursued.

I’ve seen the “I’m waiting for my Boaz” shirts and websites and sometimes I can’t help but shake my head. Yes, Ruth waited and she was patient. But God prompted her to pursue HIM! She was the one making the moves to be married, and he had to think about it! She got her man by going after him. Same issue with churches telling young women they need to find this type of man and don’t settle for this type of guy and this is wrong and blah blah blah…

During my season of singleness and complete restoration, I bought into it. In fact I was at a point where I didn’t even want to think of dating a man. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life single, and I was okay with it! I had accepted that, I was prepared for it,  and I couldn’t even picture myself in another relationship. It was at that point in my life, that I would meet the man God had been preparing me for, that I would fall so deep in love with in a way I’d never experienced before, at a time when I wasn’t going to settle for ANYONE! And guess what? I pursued him. And I’m so glad I did.

You see, what most leaders in churches today don’t seem to understand, is that women are not the only ones being hurt in relationships. Women aren’t the only ones who have guards up, and we shouldn’t be so blind to think that a young man might have been heart broken and deceived so much in his past, that he literally can’t trust a genuine woman thinking she’s going to break his heart. And that’s a reality and a subject that I think is severely missed by the church.

So much emphasis on the men doing everything to lead, and pursue, and cater (which are all great), but God doesn’t have the same story for everyone. And that should be celebrated and talked about too! I read somewhere a long time ago that said God is WAY too awesome to be giving everyone the same love story. It’s really diminishing to his power and greatness to compare our stories and say “well this is how it happened to us, and that’s how it should happen to you!” NO! Just because your pastor and his wife met on some magical evening on a cool winter night, looking at the stars, and he heard God whispering her name so he knew she was the one and they lived happily ever after; doesn’t mean that’s going to happen to you. And it doesn’t have to. And it shouldn’t. And that’s not what you should expect either.

God prepares you in so many ways, I think we usually miss His lessons and don’t realize what He was doing until long afterwards. We go through things that will set us up for something in the future. We endure things to make us stronger. We date the wrong people, who in turn teach us major lessons as well.

I’m not saying you should settle for just anyone, but I am saying you should listen to your heart and pray consistently about it. I had a strong connection to my boyfriend from the moment we met (which was exactly 2 years ago), and I kind of brushed it off not wanting to be with anyone. And then he came around again a few months later and this time I couldn’t deny I was being pulled into him. When I heard God speaking to my heart about him is when I was like “okay”. And there have been struggles, I focused a little too much on him in the beginning and not enough on my relationship with God, I had severe insecurities based on my past…but everyone has struggles. Some more than others; but I believe those struggles make you stronger as a couple and project you forward especially when you bring those struggles to the Lord together.

The years I dealt with certain things in my past, definitely prepared me for my relationship today. I read somewhere “if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you’re going to love the right person.” And that could not be more true. There’s nothing that makes me feel more loved and in love, than when my man takes my hands to pray with me and we talk to God together about each other. And let me add, it took us a year to get there!

My purpose here is to encourage you, and to maybe raise some discussion about what the church leaders are telling you, and what you’re actually going to experience. Because for me, I did what I felt in my heart was right. And I’m so glad I did! I have no idea where I would be, had I not taken a step in faith to go after and fight for my man. And I had to fight for him hard! And I STILL fight for him, and he fights for me too! And to be clear, my definition of fighting for someone is not against another person lol. It is against each other’s pasts, it’s fighting to choose each other amidst life’s challenges, and it’s mostly fighting spiritually against the enemy who tries to tear you apart.

So, I urge you. If you feel like you’re being pulled towards a man, and you’re praying about it, but he’s not pursuing you like the church says he should; go talk to him! You do you, girl. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing something wrong when you’re following your heart. If you have God on your side, you’re gonna be just fine, I promise. There’s no secret recipe to find your soul mate. There’s no “finding your mate for dummies” guide (well I’m sure there probably is). Don’t listen to your friends’ stories of how they met their men or even how perfect their man is (cuz I can tell you they ain’t, none of us are). Love is not easy, but it is SO worth it. Quit “waiting” around for your Boaz to come get you on his white horse…go out there and get him!

Ruth 1:16 – “But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.'”

flat1000x1000075f-u3

 

 

 

Advertisements

The Underlying Issue with Domestic Violence

I literally just heard a woman on national television talking about the Ray Rice scandal saying, “If a woman hits a man, she deserves to get hit back.” A fire started rising in my chest. WHAT? I seriously don’t understand that concept or why this seems to be a common thought across the board. I don’t care what a woman does whether she entices or provokes a man or not, a REAL man wouldn’t lay a finger on a woman. Period. Not even in a joking matter.

In the past I’ve been “man-handled”, not in a violent way so I can’t say I’ve been there, but I have a zero tolerance attitude towards it. Luckily I’ve been trained and know how to defend myself, but my first thoughts are that I shouldn’t have to. I had a “friend” who wanted to “get my attention” in a loud place and while I was walking away he grabbed my ponytail and pulled me back. You don’t even want to know how angry I became. He seemed so confused that I was so angry so later I explained I am a woman, NOT a dog and that he had no right to lay a finger on me. For any reason. The correct way would be to actually move your feet and touch my arm.

Why do men feel it’s ok to do this? Why don’t women speak up more in defense of themselves? There’s a combination of problems here. It’s not just one side, it’s both. Men aren’t being taught how to respect and have reverence for women, and women aren’t defending themselves. No matter how insignificant the situation may seem, even guys who I’ve dated that have “playfully” been rough with me, I have always said, “I am a lady. I’m not a boy, so don’t treat me like one.”

A woman is delicate. A woman is a jewel. She is beauty. Proverbs 31:10 says, “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.” No matter what, that’s how EVERY woman deserves to be treated. She can be arguing, she can be disrespectful, she can be accusing, she can even be physical; but the true test of a man, is to be just that. A MAN. Walk away. Get yourself out of the situation. Anyways, a real man would never be attracted to that kind of woman anyways. And a good woman, would never accept that type of behavior.

This is something we need to address so that the generations behind us know that violence is not the solution to anything. If we teach them to surround themselves with good people, respect others, and treat everyone how they want to be treated, then it’s possible we could see a change being made. If it’s broken down to them that way and addressed at an early age and reinforced as they mature, I think it’s definitely something that will resonate with them for the rest of their lives.

Waiting For God’s Best

Image

It seems as I’ve gotten older, I continue to refine and be more specific as to what it is I’m looking for in a partner. If anything, a majority of my past relationships have taught me exactly what I’m NOT looking for. 

From my experience, a staggering number of men pretend to be what they are not. They want to end up with a good woman, so they play the part. But it’s all fake. They fake being cordial, they fake being a gentleman, they fake having respect for you, they fake having any sort of values and most of all they fake caring about you at all. Not just as someone they’re dating, but as a human being. If you can’t care about someone on a level of them being your brother or sister in Christ aside from being attracted to them, then there’s a problem. 

I’m holding out for someone special. Someone who will accept me for who I am, won’t judge me on past mistakes, and who has standards. Someone who challenges me to be the best version of myself (sometimes I lack motivation) and he will probably be someone just as picky as I am. I think it was Jefferson Bethke who said when he came to Christ he then started seeing all women as his sisters, even those he wanted to date he treated them as he would a sister.

Although it’s not easy waiting for someone worthy to come along, I know it will be so worth it. The time I spend in life groups, furthering my education, my career and focusing on volunteering opportunities rather than going on dates, will pay off. It seems as though when people try to “hook me up” with guys they rave about how successful he is and financially stable and whatnot. But that’s not what I’m looking for. What I’m holding out for is stability of the heart; a partner to not go through life with but enjoy life with, someone to laugh with (sometimes at), will hold me at my weakest and will be immediately calmed by the touch of my hand. Someone who doesn’t focus on material things, who looks at me as if I’m the only girl in the world, and will be ok with the fact that I MIGHT be better than them at some sports. Specifically ping pong. I realize no relationship is perfect no matter how good two people are, at the end of the day, we’re all human; but I know God’s best for me is out there somewhere. We just haven’t met yet…or it might be possible we have…