I’ve taken some time off due to school and life, but I’m happy to start writing again! My goal with this blog is to really tackle contemporary issues from my perspective as a Millennial and to also touch on biblical truths in regards to those issues.
There seems to be a battle between what a lot of churches teach their young youth group girls, and what the girls actually experience. I know that has been definitely true with my own experiences.
It’s very easy to get swept up in the “wait for a man to pursue you” and “the treasure doesn’t do the chasing” type of principles. We need to be careful what we are telling these young girls and women, simply because (in my opinion) it’s not fair to put all the pressure on our young men so as to say they aren’t a treasure as well or aren’t fit to be pursued.
I’ve seen the “I’m waiting for my Boaz” shirts and websites and sometimes I can’t help but shake my head. Yes, Ruth waited and she was patient. But God prompted her to pursue HIM! She was the one making the moves to be married, and he had to think about it! She got her man by going after him. Same issue with churches telling young women they need to find this type of man and don’t settle for this type of guy and this is wrong and blah blah blah…
During my season of singleness and complete restoration, I bought into it. In fact I was at a point where I didn’t even want to think of dating a man. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life single, and I was okay with it! I had accepted that, I was prepared for it, and I couldn’t even picture myself in another relationship. It was at that point in my life, that I would meet the man God had been preparing me for, that I would fall so deep in love with in a way I’d never experienced before, at a time when I wasn’t going to settle for ANYONE! And guess what? I pursued him. And I’m so glad I did.
You see, what most leaders in churches today don’t seem to understand, is that women are not the only ones being hurt in relationships. Women aren’t the only ones who have guards up, and we shouldn’t be so blind to think that a young man might have been heart broken and deceived so much in his past, that he literally can’t trust a genuine woman thinking she’s going to break his heart. And that’s a reality and a subject that I think is severely missed by the church.
So much emphasis on the men doing everything to lead, and pursue, and cater (which are all great), but God doesn’t have the same story for everyone. And that should be celebrated and talked about too! I read somewhere a long time ago that said God is WAY too awesome to be giving everyone the same love story. It’s really diminishing to his power and greatness to compare our stories and say “well this is how it happened to us, and that’s how it should happen to you!” NO! Just because your pastor and his wife met on some magical evening on a cool winter night, looking at the stars, and he heard God whispering her name so he knew she was the one and they lived happily ever after; doesn’t mean that’s going to happen to you. And it doesn’t have to. And it shouldn’t. And that’s not what you should expect either.
God prepares you in so many ways, I think we usually miss His lessons and don’t realize what He was doing until long afterwards. We go through things that will set us up for something in the future. We endure things to make us stronger. We date the wrong people, who in turn teach us major lessons as well.
I’m not saying you should settle for just anyone, but I am saying you should listen to your heart and pray consistently about it. I had a strong connection to my boyfriend from the moment we met (which was exactly 2 years ago), and I kind of brushed it off not wanting to be with anyone. And then he came around again a few months later and this time I couldn’t deny I was being pulled into him. When I heard God speaking to my heart about him is when I was like “okay”. And there have been struggles, I focused a little too much on him in the beginning and not enough on my relationship with God, I had severe insecurities based on my past…but everyone has struggles. Some more than others; but I believe those struggles make you stronger as a couple and project you forward especially when you bring those struggles to the Lord together.
The years I dealt with certain things in my past, definitely prepared me for my relationship today. I read somewhere “if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you’re going to love the right person.” And that could not be more true. There’s nothing that makes me feel more loved and in love, than when my man takes my hands to pray with me and we talk to God together about each other. And let me add, it took us a year to get there!
My purpose here is to encourage you, and to maybe raise some discussion about what the church leaders are telling you, and what you’re actually going to experience. Because for me, I did what I felt in my heart was right. And I’m so glad I did! I have no idea where I would be, had I not taken a step in faith to go after and fight for my man. And I had to fight for him hard! And I STILL fight for him, and he fights for me too! And to be clear, my definition of fighting for someone is not against another person lol. It is against each other’s pasts, it’s fighting to choose each other amidst life’s challenges, and it’s mostly fighting spiritually against the enemy who tries to tear you apart.
So, I urge you. If you feel like you’re being pulled towards a man, and you’re praying about it, but he’s not pursuing you like the church says he should; go talk to him! You do you, girl. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing something wrong when you’re following your heart. If you have God on your side, you’re gonna be just fine, I promise. There’s no secret recipe to find your soul mate. There’s no “finding your mate for dummies” guide (well I’m sure there probably is). Don’t listen to your friends’ stories of how they met their men or even how perfect their man is (cuz I can tell you they ain’t, none of us are). Love is not easy, but it is SO worth it. Quit “waiting” around for your Boaz to come get you on his white horse…go out there and get him!
Ruth 1:16 – “But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.'”