Waiting For God’s Best

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It seems as I’ve gotten older, I continue to refine and be more specific as to what it is I’m looking for in a partner. If anything, a majority of my past relationships have taught me exactly what I’m NOT looking for. 

From my experience, a staggering number of men pretend to be what they are not. They want to end up with a good woman, so they play the part. But it’s all fake. They fake being cordial, they fake being a gentleman, they fake having respect for you, they fake having any sort of values and most of all they fake caring about you at all. Not just as someone they’re dating, but as a human being. If you can’t care about someone on a level of them being your brother or sister in Christ aside from being attracted to them, then there’s a problem. 

I’m holding out for someone special. Someone who will accept me for who I am, won’t judge me on past mistakes, and who has standards. Someone who challenges me to be the best version of myself (sometimes I lack motivation) and he will probably be someone just as picky as I am. I think it was Jefferson Bethke who said when he came to Christ he then started seeing all women as his sisters, even those he wanted to date he treated them as he would a sister.

Although it’s not easy waiting for someone worthy to come along, I know it will be so worth it. The time I spend in life groups, furthering my education, my career and focusing on volunteering opportunities rather than going on dates, will pay off. It seems as though when people try to “hook me up” with guys they rave about how successful he is and financially stable and whatnot. But that’s not what I’m looking for. What I’m holding out for is stability of the heart; a partner to not go through life with but enjoy life with, someone to laugh with (sometimes at), will hold me at my weakest and will be immediately calmed by the touch of my hand. Someone who doesn’t focus on material things, who looks at me as if I’m the only girl in the world, and will be ok with the fact that I MIGHT be better than them at some sports. Specifically ping pong. I realize no relationship is perfect no matter how good two people are, at the end of the day, we’re all human; but I know God’s best for me is out there somewhere. We just haven’t met yet…or it might be possible we have…

 

 

 

 

 

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Every Behavior is LEARNED

I was just browsing Facebook and came across an article one of my friends posted about the Calhoun prom sexual assault atrocity. What in the world? What is going on, and how can we end this?

As the victim of attempted sexual assault as well as my run-in with men who seem to have no grasp of respect for women whatsoever, this is something that needs to be addressed and taken care of – immediately – At the Miss USA Pageant 2014, one of the final interview questions addressed the hidden epidemic of sexual assault on college campuses and the contestant, (who ended up winning), Nia Sanchez spoke of how women should be equipped and know how to defend themselves against such attacks. But what about the MEN??? I don’t care if you’re a 4th degree black belt, if you weigh 115 pounds, and four 200 pound men are grabbing you and assaulting you, there is NO WAY you are going to be able to fight them off. This is something that needs to be addressed to men and what they’re learning from a young age.

Kids spend most of their time in school, not at home. Parents have the weekend and evenings to spend with their children, but from 7am to about 3pm Monday through Friday, these kids are in the care of their teachers and schools. What are these schools teaching? Science, Math, English, Social Studies…but what about subjects of value? Things like respect for others, respect for women specifically, tolerance and character development that will change the course of their lives forever. How many of you remember what you learned in First Grade about science? A large number of children are living in broken homes, poverty and are not getting the moral nourishment they should be. Parents are so busy with work, projects, family or even just trying to make it so their kids don’t hate them. I was blessed to have a Mom that was able to stay at home to spend time with and who taught me a lot of ethical values. Not everyone is this privileged and I think it’s time to implement a new way of teaching in our schools.

If this would be able to happen, imagine how that could change the course of our future generations? If women were taught to have respect for themselves, if teachers paid close attention to certain characteristics of troubled children and addressing them instead of ignoring them, to teach the boys how to treat others and how women are not objects but should be treasured and valued. If everyone did their part in investing just a little time into molding the younger generations, I really think we would be seeing a change.

 

2 Corinthians 9:6 – “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.”

If I Told You That You’re Beautiful…

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If I told you that you’re beautiful,
What would you say?
Would you tell me I’m crazy?
Or just laugh and turn away…

If I told you that you’re perfect,
Would you believe me?
Or do you believe the comparisons you make
With the women in magazines and T.V.

If I told you I’ve been where you are
Experienced the unkind words
And whispers of the kids in the halls…

Would you then trust me,
When I tell you you’re pretty?

I’ve been through the pain and tears of not feeling pretty,
Standing in front of the mirror,
Asking God, “Why me?”

If there was a way that I could make you see,
There’s hope for your future
And you can be whatever you want to be.

You are a princess,
You are a gem,
You can be a beauty queen,
And somebody’s very best friend.

Once you see yourself for who you really are,
The inner changes transforms the outside
And with that knowledge,
I know you’ll reach the stars.

When you focus on the truth,
And stop believing the lies.
You’ll start seeing the beautiful girl in the mirror,
The one seen through God’s eyes.

So stop comparing yourself,
And obsessing over what you need to fix.
You are perfect,
You are loved,
You’re a treasure,
You are His

Most Friendships Aren’t Meant to Last

 

Recently I was going through photos on my Facebook and realized how many people have come in and out of my life. It’s a lot. Like an entire football team’s worth at least. Maybe TWO. I find the main turmoil of growing up is in fact, when you lose friends. Usually it’s for the better, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

When I speak of losing friends I’m mostly referring to female friends. I grew up going to private school so throughout the years up until the 8th grade, I was with pretty much the same kids every year. Even when my best friend moved to another state I still kept in touch with her. But then as we age, sometimes we can grow apart from people.

I’m at the age now where everybody is starting to find their pair and getting hitched. Girls that always said I’d be their bridesmaid found an excuse to not even send an invitation. My best friend growing up who moved to another state when we were little made me her bridesmaid 3 years ago. I felt so honored and excited to be a part of her union. Unfortunately, the wedding was canceled a week before it was supposed to happen, she’s now getting married to someone else next month and I can’t even get her to text me back, let alone send me an invitation.

I’ve always been a relational type of person. I like having friendships, I give a lot in my relationships with others, more than most I think. It’s hard to find people who you actually can relate to and also know how to be a good friend. For me personally, good-hearted people were hard to find because I was willing to accept the not-so-nice friends and kept the company of people who hurt, deceived and took my friendship for granted, out of not wanting to be lonely. My mother always (and still tells me) that I’m too sweet and people like to take advantage of that. I never said no to anyone, I was always willing to drive people around, buy things for people who didn’t have money, lend my clothes, I even let a friend live in my parents’ house one summer after her parents kicked her out. It’s sad to think that I don’t have friendships, let alone any type of communication, with any of those people anymore.

If I explained why I’m no longer friends with these girls, you would either laugh or say “WTFrench Toast?!” It’s just ridiculousness I don’t even want to get into. I saw a counselor for a few months not only for the breakup I went through, but I was having a hard time with the friends I was losing as well. For years I kept thinking, “Is it me? Am I the problem? What am I doing wrong?” It was so comforting to have a professional tell me that it wasn’t me. That she thought I couldn’t have done anything to salvage any of the friendships and that there are so many women who experience the same thing. One of the girls who stopped talking to me recently (after she praised me for being such a good friend to her for so long), threw in my face how nobody knows how I “really” am, that I scare people into being my friend and that all the girls I’ve lost throughout the years have been my fault. If she would have said that to me prior to seeing the counselor, I would have taken that VERY hard. I’m the type of person that takes things to heart but when she said this to me I took it with a grain of salt. First off, if you’re my friend and reading this right now, what she said should have you cracking up right now. Secondly, someone has to really be going through something personally in order to attack someone who has done nothing to them. When someone says something nasty to you, it is not a reflection of you, but a reflection of them. When I told her I wish her the best and success in life she told me she didn’t need my good wishes. Alllllrighty then, so much for trying to be nice.

Life goes on, and you learn what types of friends you need in your life. The types of friends who are going to stand by you on your wedding day, who will be called “Aunt” by your kids and are willing to put as much into your friendship as you are. I’m not the same person I was two years ago…I don’t even hang out with the same people I did a year ago. That’s insane to me. To think I’ve grown that much in such a short amount of time. But, there’s a reason for everything and I’m grateful for the girls that have stuck by me (you know who you are) and even the ones I’ve began relationships with most recently have been more of a friend to me than other girls ever have that I’ve known for years.

You don’t need people who will bring drama to your life, you don’t need people who will judge, or take advantage of your kindness. You don’t need people who only talk to you when they need something, or just to gossip. You also don’t need the ones that are willing to throw your friendship away over petty things or start a fight over nothing. Life is too short ladies. I think it had been a year since our friendship ended and I was still tagged in a photo and one of the girls decided to make a nasty comment about me so of course I got the notification. I responded that it was very sad that she would harbor such feelings after such a long time and that I would pray for her. She laughed at me, but I was serious.

Just like in relationships with men, it’s not worth staying in friendships with women who do nothing but bring you down. Whether you’re in the same stage of life or not, true friendships remain no matter what. Whether you talk every day, every week, once a month or every few months; the important thing is that you’re there for each other in the times you need it the most. We need relationship with other women because they’re the only ones that can truly understand us. It’s awesome how sometimes I’ll think I’m crazy but then my friend confides she’s the same exact way and it brings a sense of relief to know someone is right there with you. Cherish the women in your life, keep the ones that are faithful and have always been there for you. Sometimes I seriously think our true soul mates are our girlfriends. Make it a point to be a good woman, one that lifts others up, is there when someone needs you and never has a bad thing to say. Live in such a way that if anyone were to say something negative about you, nobody would ever believe it.